Both sides need to work on their missile-lobbing game.
Labor’s pledge to increase bulk billing has split GPs in two, with the pro-government loyalists on one side and private billing separatists on the other, it has emerged.
The Medical Republic visited the site where two very different practices, separated by only four lanes of traffic and a Cheap as Chips, are at war.
Dr Clare Mawhinney, 37, from Adelaide, who wishes to remain anonymous, told TMR:
“We gather at night, as the sky begins to bruise.
“There may only be a budget retailer between us and our rivals but a wide gulf separates our ideologies.
“We’re firmly on the side of 100% bulk billing whereas the other lot are united under the banner of private fees.”
Professor Candid, who happens to live in the area, told TMR that he heard GPs shouting abuse at each other across the road.
“It was all a bit embarrassing to be honest,” Professor Candid told TMR.
“I was out looking for my cat when I heard one of the Separatists shout, ‘Come on then, ya Fenian bastard’, and then Clare, bless her, shouted something like, ‘Never, ever, top whack quack shack’, and tried to throw a brick across the road.
“But she’d obviously never thrown a brick across the road before because it barely made it halfway.”
A single off-duty police officer quickly broke up the fracas and the warring sides were sent home with their tails between their legs.
One of the Separatists was subsequently charged with smashing up a Mark Butler placard and Clare was ordered to pick up the remains of her brick.
“This is just the beginning,” Loyalist Dr Mawhinney, who for some reason was talking in a full-on Irish accent, promised TMR.
“It’s going to be just like House of Guinness, but without all those dreadful Irish people with their alcoholic milkshakes and diddly-diddly music.”
