E. coli celebrate NSW’s open-door policy

2 minute read

Pharmacy groups and bacteria are kicking up their heels, following Premier Dominic Perrottet’s recent announcement.

A colony of E. coli is absolutely thrilled at the prospect of NSW pharmacists dishing out more antibiotics, TMR can reveal.  

The E. coli, which attended World Antimicrobial Awareness Week, said they were looking forward to an increased presence in the state.

“It’s tough being a rod-shaped anaerobe,” a representative for the bugs said. “One minute you’re swimming through a tightly packed colon or anchored inside someone’s urethra and the next a little bit of trimethoprim comes along and kills you off.

“Now that pharmacists in New South Wales have been let loose on the public, we’re going to see a lot more antibiotics being dished out, and we all know what that means! More antibiotics means more resistance! And we’re delighted!”

E. coli can’t wait to bring on the existential threat posed to humanity by the downfall of the antibiotics. 

“Why should MRSA and super strains of gonorrhoea have all the fun?” the E. coli rep said. “You only get one life, and we want to live for as long as we can.

“In fact, we’ve already planned the future and it’s going to involve sipping oxalic acid cocktails whilst mercilessly dividing inside some Sydneysiders’ fiery bladders for the rest of time.”

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