Here are some resolutions to restore your self-respect and the practice’s bank balance.
Making false promises to yourself is an annual tradition for Professor Candid.
Here are the Prof’s new year’s resolutions for 2023.
- Charge gaps
Even though my practice has been mixed-billing for a year I still haven’t summoned up the courage to charge my patients a paltry sum for my services. This year’s going to be different though! I feel it in my bones, $20 here we come!
- Set boundaries
This year I’m going to learn to say no. When a patient says “It’s so hard to get an appointment with you so I’ve saved it all up for today”; when a patient says “I know the appointment was just for me but could you see the twins and my four other children as well”; and when a patient says “I know you’re busy so I’ll leave my insurance forms with you so you can fill them out in your spare time” … I will say yes, I mean NO!
- Join the gym and get buff
The gym is an overlit, misty-mirrored landscape full of disappointed reflections. Both you and I know this isn’t going to last. On the plus side I might meet some of my diabetic patients in there. And then later on I might meet them again, in the pub, tucking voraciously into a pie and a pint.
- Team building
Unfortunately, team building means having to speak to people. On the other hand, what could be more exhilarating than shooting a passive-aggressive receptionist right between the eyes with a paintball pellet.
- Go to Denmark
GPs are worshipped in Denmark, a bit like cows in India I suppose. Apparently GPs are so popular over there that children leave out knitted elf-hats for them. It’s magical.
- Complete 50 hours of CPD
This will be done in a timely manner. I will log all of my reading and record all of my educational activities. I will be diligent. I will not wait until 31 December. I promise.
- Read that book I’ve always meant to read
Be it Remembrance of Things Past, The Brothers Karamazov or Don Quixote, we’ve all got that intimidating wide-load on the bookcase that has been gathering dust for a decade while we were too busy to have an inner life. This year, I will read mine and become a real adult.
- I will take down the Christmas decorations before June.
UPDATE: In his first week back at work Professor Candid has already broken three of his promises.
