AHPRA are bringing in the heavy weapons.
AHPRA will punish doctors by forcing them to watch a Coldplay concert, it has emerged.
Dr Michael Goldberg told The Medical Republic:
“After my AHPRA hearing I was escorted to the back of a van and driven to a concert. I was quite excited at first but when I got there, I realised I’d been bought a front row ticket to see Coldplay.”
The doctor’s eyes were clamped open and he was forced to watch the entire five and a half hour concert from start to finish.
“After about an hour of watching Chris Martin’s pale limbs wafting, jellyfish-like to a beige beat I couldn’t take any more. My eyes rolled back into my head and I started to hallucinate. I was walking down a slipper-quiet corridor and at the end was Chris, mouthing clichés at me and pointing to his comfortable driving slacks. When he offered me a vegan omelette I must have passed out.”
Several months after the concert and Dr Goldberg still feels that all the joy has been sucked out of his life.
“Everything tastes of Rich Tea biscuits and I find myself saying the sort of tedious things that Chris Martin would say, things like ‘let’s talk quinoa’ and ‘would you like some mushroom tea’.”
Musicologist Professor Candid told TMR:
“What Dr Goldberg has experienced is called a sonic drain, in this case the sonic drain has been caused by Coldplay’s back catalogue of insipid hits. The music has left him submissive and life-less, a malleable empty husk more than willing to do anything he’s told. Which is exactly how AHPRA likes them. I’m afraid the only antidote is to watch an early performance of Weisses Fleisch by Rammstein.”
