Who needs socks and jocks when there are pharmaceuticals to be wrapped?
Are you struggling to know what to get your old man for Christmas? Is he bored with socks and “World’s Greatest Dad” cups?
Then Professor Candid’s prescription suggestions may be for you.
Viagra
If the thought of your parents shagging doesn’t make you want to puke in a bucket then why not buy him a big bumper pack of Viagra.
Of course, for your mum this will be less of a present and more of a living nightmare.
Oxycodone
After taking a slug of oxys mixed with red wine in his favourite “Greatest Dad” mug he’ll soon be kicking back and listening to over an hour of Juice WRLD.
He’ll be saying things like “this is fire” and “he’s spitting bars bro” before you know it.
And if he does go overboard and turns blue make sure you’ve got a Naloxone spray on stand-by
Regaine and CPAP
Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like telling him “you’re fat and bald”.
Polypill
Why not treat him to the polypill this Christmas?
This bad boy has an ACEi, ARB, diuretic, Aspirin and statin all combined in one easy to swallow tablet.
Vitamins
After he’s polished off his bottle of red wine and listened to MF Doom while off his tits on oxys give him the most expensive piss in his life with a smorgasbord of vitamins, including vitamin A, B1,B2, B3, B5, B6, B7, B9, B12, C, D, E, F, G and even H!
Post-coital bumper pack
If he’s not with your mum anymore, and even if he is and she’s the sort of spouse that buys him Regaine and a set of handkerchiefs for Christmas, then keep him safe this year with the post-coital prescription hamper pack.
This year’s Afterglow kit contains clotrimazole, trimethoprim, cephalexin, azithromycin, anti-nausea tablets and a big tub of crab cream.
Merry Christmas to all Professor Candid’s hordes of fans. See you in 2026 for more hijinks and tomfoolery!
