AHPRA to access doctors’ primary school reports

2 minute read

Not content with looking into doctors’ parking fines, the regulator is going back to where problematic behaviour begins.

Every year clinicians have to inform AHPRA about any criminal offences, including speeding and parking fines in some states; but according to the medical regulator this doesn’t go nearly far enough. 

“In order to fully assess a candidate’s suitability to practice,” an AHPRA spokesperson told The Medical Republic, “we don’t just need to know about their parking fines and speeding tickets. We need to dig much deeper than that and go all the way back to primary school. This will give an over-arching history of the candidate’s offending behaviour.” 

“I was flagged by AHPRA,” Professor Candid told TMR, “after they looked through my school reports. Apparently I was guilty of a number of misdemeanours when I was eight, and to be honest I’d completely forgotten about most of them.

“According to the reports, I’d written BOOBS on a calculator, sniffed a marker pen, broken a window pane and thrown clumps of wet tissue onto the ceiling of the girls’ toilet block. I also called Emily Jenkins a fat slag and scratched the word ‘prick’ on my desk with a pair of compasses. All fairly minor offences but nothing’s too minor for AHPRA to take seriously.” 

“When you combine his litany of primary school crimes with the parking ticket he got five years ago, I think you’d agree it paints a pretty grim picture of the man,” the AHPRA spokesperson responded. “You certainly wouldn’t want him treating a member of your family, so unfortunately we had to reject his application.”

Professor Candid will appeal AHPRA’s decision later in the year and has already offered to personally apologise to Emily Jenkins for that time he pinned her down and farted on her face.  

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