Bulk bill with me in a world of pure imagination

2 minute read

Win a tour of a magical universal bulk billing general practice!

Patients who find a golden ticket hidden in their Curly Wurly will be taken on a mystery tour of a bulk-billing clinic, it has emerged.

A universal bulk billing practice which can take on new patients is becoming vanishingly rare, which is why states and territories have introduced the golden ticket scheme. 

The Medical Republic spoke with confectionary and Medicare expert Professor Candid.

“Finding a GP who is willing to bulk bill you is almost impossible these days so we hit on the idea of hiding golden tickets inside chocolate bars,” he sang. “We chose the Curly Wurly because we believe it to be the most ‘elaborate’ of all the chocolates. We’re also confident that this is a totally novel idea which absolutely no-one has ever thought of before. ever.” 

James, one of the lucky winners of a golden ticket, spoke with TMR: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when the ticket fell out of the wrapper,” he said.

“I imagined a guided tour of a magical medical bulk-billing wonderland full of chocolate sauce, small orange people and funny songs.

“When I got there, though, I was a bit disappointed, to be honest. It was just a Portakabin in the middle of a car park with a receptionist who looked like Robert Smith from The Cure.

“The guided tour lasted all of five minutes and when I was leaving they got me to spend half an hour filling out their complex registration forms only to say that the GP wouldn’t be available for another three years.” 

I’m not him, I just have big hair and enjoy chocolate.

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