More things that are probably your fault

2 minute read

The public and politicians are fond of blaming GPs for all manner of phenomena, but there are a few they’ve left out.

We all know that GPs make great scapegoats. Here are five things that GPs are regularly and could potentially be blamed for.


If you provide a reasonable service then chances are your wait list has ballooned out to six weeks.

This has nothing to do with the fact that general practice has been chronically underrated, underfunded and under-doctored by successive governments, no: the blame can be put squarely at your feet. 

“You’re my doctor, I should be able to see you whenever I’m ill,” moans the patient. Unfortunately, the patient is ill four times a week. 

Private gap fees 

The fact that your practice now has to charge a gap fee to just buy printer cartridges and keep the lights on doesn’t even register with the patient. No, the real reason you’re charging a gap fee is that you’re a rude money-hungry bastard who thinks that buying a new set of tyres for their Porsche Taycan is more important than the undeniable needs of the poor patient.

Best of luck informing them you drive a clapped-out Kia!  

Waiting lists at the public hospital 

For some reason the patient believes you’re in charge of how long they have to wait before they can have their gammy knee looked at.

Patients don’t even like it when they’re placed on a non-urgent wait list for a vasectomy. The only time a vasectomy is urgent is when Tom Jones breaks out of his care home.

Global warming 

The real reason for all this climate change malarkey is because filthy rich GPs like you drive their Porsche Taycans around the place and harp on about wood-burners and skiing holidays. 


Just think how many irritating things human beings encounter on a daily basis for which they can’t blame a single entity or group. Congratulations!

This diverse category includes Piers Morgan trying to humiliate an 18-year-old vegan and crying about Barbie, scam emails that read “tHis weIght loss tablet is so eFective your DoctOr woNt prEsCribe it”,  text messages from saying they tried to deliver your parcel today but you were out and they need a few more details from you and a raging hangover after only two pints of lager because you’re 45. 

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