PSR to appoint ‘sorcerer of dreadful power’

2 minute read

With the AMA no longer involved, the new Director is expected to be a master of shadows and of phantoms, foul in wisdom, cruel in strength.

A single all-powerful individual will be crowned judge, jury and executioner at the PSR, it has emerged. 

“If you’re unlucky enough to face the Professional Services Review you know it’s a pretty hopeless situation,” Medicare compliance expert Professor Candid told The Medical Republic. 

“After all the PSR has an insatiable appetite for vengeance.

“But up until now external doctor bodies like the AMA have been involved in appointing directors and panel members. Not any more – now even that meagre power has been stripped from them.”

A Labor minister told TMR: “We’ve done away with all that extraneous stuff like involving ‘other people’ and instead we’ve anointed a single all-powerful individual who wields ultimate control over a doctor’s career. 

“Think glistening armour and gauntlets steaming with ruin,” she continued, “and think of bright swords reeking of human blood and you’re close to what we have in mind.

“Off the record, we’re actually hoping to recruit Sauron from Lord of the Rings; or was it Saruman? I get them mixed up. Anyhoo, the future of the PSR is a great big spikey bastard who punches mountains and wipes his arse with a ball and chain.”

Labor’s idea is that guilty doctors will be forced to drop to their knees and kiss Sauron’s ring before receiving their punishment.  

“On balance we think preventing the AMA and other third-party involvement will create a more transparent and streamlined process,” continued Professor Candid.

“Certainly Sauron is an important addition because he’ll be able to get through the backlog a lot quicker. And we don’t think he’ll undermine public confidence too much because if you dare doubt his authority he’ll just come round and chop your face off.”

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