Shoot first, mask questions later

2 minute read

Can a spoonful of second amendment help the public health measure go down?

Few things define our perceptions of the US more than gun control: as in, the bewildering lack thereof.

Yes, yes, we understand it’s all about the second amendment right to arm bears, and personal freedoms yada yada …

Same goes for those pesky face masks, right? How dare the government even suggest, however politely, that public health needs might trump (ahem) the individual right to cough up covid-cooties in the Cheez Whiz aisle?

Enter the inspirational gadgetry of one Allen Pan. This creative YouTuber has just gone and invented a gun that fires face masks directly on to a target’s bare freedom-loving face.

The device employs a pneumatic launcher triggered from a firearm grip. On the projectile mask are four magnets fixed to the straps on the back so they tangle together on impact, and added sticky strips to the inside of the mask’s surface for even more adhesive power.

Pan says he tested the device’s effectiveness on a variety of mannequin heads, then on himself, and finally on a brave cohort of the public at California’s Huntington Beach.

Our intrepid inventor has prior form in the projectile department, according to media reports, having already made a name for himself in the cyber-world with a series of home-made flamethrowersplasma blades, and Spider-Man-style web shooters.

“This is not a world of fact any more,” Pan quite correctly states in his demo video of the mask device. “This is a world of opinion and emotion. And if there’s one thing that coronavirus protesters actually care about, it’s the second amendment. Guns.”

You can watch the video of the mask-gun here, just so you know we ain’t making this stuff up.

It looks like it might take a bit of practice to become an accurate mask-marksman, but I want one. I want one soooo bad …

If you see something stupid, say something stupid … Send your weaponised PPE to

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