Sledging general practice? Get it in the neck

2 minute read

Now there’s a way to stop disparaging comments about the speciality before they make it past the surgeon’s throat.

GP-bashing will soon become a thing of the past, thanks to an invasive new technology that intercepts bad-mouthing in the larynx.

“Dissing general practice is so common in med school that it’s often referred to as the ‘hidden curriculum’,” Professor Candid told The Medical Republic. “And so I invented the laryngeal stimulator.”

The small battery-powered device is inserted into the fibroelastic tissues of the vocal cords.

“It uses clever AI to recognise when you’re attempting to say something derogatory about general practice,” the Prof.

“Whenever the software detects a disparaging remark, like ‘general practice is a pile of shit’ the device delivers a shock to the vocal cords which alters the emitted sound.

“We encountered some teething problems at first. After my ENT colleague surgically implanted the device into his own neck he could only say the word ‘peanuts’ for a month, which was really strange.

“But now things are running a lot smoother and we’ve fitted everyone at the med school with their own laryngeal stimulator.” 

Ellie, a third-year med student, told TMR: “We had a small group teaching session with a cardiologist who tried to say that I was too bright to be a GP, but the laryngeal stimulator must’ve kicked in because what came out of his mouth was ungodly. It was the sort of high-pitched screeching noise you’d normally associate with an abattoir.

“After sitting down he took a shaky sip of water and told me that what he meant to say was that I was bright enough to be a GP! I’ve never seen anyone look so pale!”

Professor Candid’s laryngeal stimulator has been so successful at stamping out the “hidden curriculum” that it will soon be rolled out across the whole of Australia.

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