The answer to this pressing question is no longer blowing in the wind.
Here at Back Page HQ we do not shy away from addressing life’s big questions.
In the past we’ve delved in critical issues such as “why is our pee yellow?”, should you give cannabis to your dog? and why you shouldn’t doomscroll while on the dunny.
Loyal to this spirit of intrepid discovery, this week we lift the lid on one of humanity’s most controversial topics: do men really fart more than women?
Up until now, the answer to this question depended on one’s perspective.
Most females would say men definitely let fluffy off the chain a lot more than they do, while the males would counter that women are equally as flatulent, but make more of an effort to disguise the fact, thus creating a misleading version of reality.
Clearly it was time for Australia’s leading scientific research organisation, CSIRO, to step in and settle this contentious matter once and for all.
The key to getting to the bottom of this issue was the development by the CSIRO of a mobile phone application, pleasingly named “Chart Your Fart”, which allowed more than 6400 cheese-cutting compatriots to log their flatulence patterns in real time.
You can read the full study here, but for those of you pressed for time here are some of the highlights.
Sorry guys, the women are right. We do fart more than they do, but in our defence the difference is hardly dramatic.
According to the study, men on average play a tune on the butt tuba 5.2 times per day compared with 4.8 times a day for females.
Interestingly, the study also found that flatulence patterns were not the same throughout the day.
The boffins observed a gradual increase in air-biscuit baking that typically peaked between 6pm and 10pm, consistent with the time when people generally consume the most calories and fibre.
Now apart from settling dinner-table debates about gender-propensity for cheek-squeaking, what other purpose could his research serve, we hear you ask.
According to our researchers, their study provides “a good indication of regular flatulence habits and a starting point for conversations about excess”.
“High participation and sustained engagement also indicate flatulence is an area of interest in the population and warrants greater discussion,” they add.
We couldn’t agree more. Better out than in, as they say.
Don’t hold it in! Feel free to share your brain farts with Holly@medicalrepublic.com.au.
