Australia’s health system is like a Dickens novel, without the comedy.
Providing high-quality health care for destitute patients with lots of unmet health needs is definitely not what we’re aiming for, says the Department of Health, Disability and Ageing.
The DoHDA spokesperson told The Medical Republic:
“We know it’s a slippery slope for people out there. What with rent and energy bills going up, coupled with a desperate shortage of housing, chronic unemployment and a weekly shop now so expensive you have to take out a second mortgage, it’s no wonder that people aren’t prioritising their puffers.
“I would say that in this sort of desperate milieu with these kinds of insurmountable problems, alcohol and drug usage is a perfectly reasonable solution.”
But rather than attempting to tackle society’s health disparity the government is pushing ahead with a centralised funding model which favours wealthy mobile people with absolutely feck all wrong with them.
“Did you ever get a little bit of a twinge in your thigh after playing squash?” continued the DoHDA spokesperson.
“Or develop golfer’s elbow on the third hole? Perhaps chaffing after your cycling holiday in the Dordogne? Want to know what your triglycerides are doing now you’ve switched to vegan quiche?
“These are the sorts of questions and the kinds of patients that we want to be throwing money and medical resources at!
“Have you ever read Hard Times? Well, the Australian health system is a bit like that, just a whole lot less optimistic.”
