This in no way represents coercion. No, really.
Only 100% bulk-billing practices will have guaranteed access to power and water it has emerged.
The idea behind prioritising power and running water to universal bulk billing clinics is to “help develop the primary care workforce required to support patients to access the services they need”.
The latest Department of Health guidelines specify that utility companies must prioritise clinics participating in the bulk-billing practice incentive program (BBPIP).
“I’ve been a patient at Bleak House Medical Practice for years,” Margaret Smythe told The Medical Republic.
“It’s always been a privately billing practice but I noticed some changes last time I visited. The reception area was cold and lit by candles, my GP was toiling in the dark with what looked like a miner’s lamp strapped to his forehead and the toilets had been replaced with a mop and slop bucket.”
“It’s a real challenge,” admits Prof Candid.
“I mean, we knew things were going south when the government started tying certain privileges to bulk billing, like training medical students and registrars, but now they’ve gone the whole hog and done the same with utilities.
“We’re doing our best to find practical workarounds. We’ve replaced Best Practice with handwritten paper files, we’ve got a wind-up radio and we now share an old-fashioned typewriter for referrals.”
The practice is thinking about investing in its own diesel generator and hopes, with the help of loyal patients like Margaret, to dig a well in the car park.
“It’s not clear how long our practice will be able to survive without fresh water and light bulbs before we agree the switch to bulk billing,” said Professor Candid.
“But one thing’s for sure, the Department of Health has made it abundantly clear that this in no way represents coercion. Right, I’m off to dig my well.”
