Dolphins slam Shorten’s NDIS rorts slur

2 minute read

The cetaceans are offended at being categorised together with crystal healers.

A pod of dolphins who provide NDIS services are annoyed at being singled out by NDIS Minister Bill Shorten as an example of what the scheme will no longer be funding.  

Under the changes announced by Mr Shorten last week to make the system more sustainable, only registered service providers will be paid by the government.

What constitutes “reasonable and necessary” supports will still be determined on an evidence basis, he said, adding that “Crystal therapies, overseas cruises and dolphins – they’re out.”

The Medical Republic commandeered a boat and a bucket of fish and visited the Gold Coast to speak with one of the dolphins.

“I’m bloody livid,” Mr Squeaky told TMR.

“You might not think it by the stupid smile on my face but believe me, I’m well pissed off.

“We provide high-quality swimming experiences for NDIS clients here on the Gold Coast and we’ve built up an enviable reputation. But like a great big pile of mackerel it’s all going to come crashing down, all because some flat-faced politician wants to shake things up a bit.

“Undoubtedly there’s widespread rorting,” he continued. “But Shorten shouldn’t go blaming dolphins and lumping us in with the likes of reiki healers and crystal therapists, it just isn’t on! What we do is evidence based and provides actual joy, no placebo effect here.”

And with a powerful flick of his tail he knocked over our bucket of fish and vanished into the endless ocean. 

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