GPs: be careful what you wish for

2 minute read

A new device could revolutionise primary care by tapping into the destructive power of the GP subconscious.

Professor Candid proudly presents the “Wishing Machine” – a device that burrows into your subconscious mind and breathes life into your innermost desires. 

Simply hold onto the rods and focus on the oscilloscope and let the “Wishing Machine” take control.   

Here are just some of the testimonials:  

“My practice was going through a bit of a rough patch. A senior GP had retired and one of my colleagues was off on stress leave. The waiting room was full of angry patients all day. My fervent desire was to see the practice’s patient workload become more manageable. So I followed the simple step-by-step instructions, held onto the rods and wished as hard as I could. When I arrived at work the next morning my practice had burnt to the ground! I guess that’s what I subconsciously wanted all along. Marvellous!” – Dr Judit Polgar, GP  

“I really want nurse practitioners and nurse prescribers to be held in the same high regard as GPs. So I invested in Professor Candid’s Wishing Machine. Next day I turned on the news and saw that the whole of primary care had been liquidated and that every last GP in Australia had been replaced by a nurse. Spot on!” – Mandy Jones, nurse practitioner 

“I look after a very vulnerable group of impoverished patients and I wanted bulk-billing codes to reflect the important work that I do. After using the professor’s device I didn’t get a pay rise but I did manage to turn every GP into a salaried state-owned slave. – Dr Wesley So, GP 

“I was really fed up with general practice so I used the Wishing Machine. The next morning I was hoping for an exciting career change but instead I’d transformed my wife into the lead singer of Placebo. I didn’t know that was in my subconscious, but one thing’s for sure: my wife – who now looks just like Brian Molko – is pretty pissed off! – Dr Paul Morphy, GP 

Prof Candid’s Wishing Machine is now available from all good medical suppliers. 

And remember, what you think you want isn’t always what you really want. 

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