A GP’s life can be challenging, but here comes Professor Candid with some handy hacks to get you through the day.
GP HACK #305: If you see a complicated patient with multiple interleaved health problems, then don’t think about billing anything other than a 23.
GP HACK #315: If in doubt, bill a 23.
GP HACK #457: Always plan your escape route. That may be a zipline, tunnel or Scooby-Doo secret door.
GP HACK #732: If you have a void in your life then try filling that void with gin.
GP HACK #35: If you’re stuck in a rut then try doing something completely different. Why not spend the night in IKEA, hiding away in a faux Swedish bijou apartment pretending your name is Anders Jonas Ångström. The following morning, when the lights come back on and the staff find you lounging in a swivel chair, smoking a pipe in a cashmere sweater, I guarantee you’ll have a very different outlook on life.
GP HACK #567: Life is short and everything dies. This is a very useful quote – pin it to your wall and refer to its wisdom throughout consultations.
GP HACK #217: Keep a shoe box full of wasps available on your desk. When you’ve had enough, take the lid off and run out of the room.
GP HACK #21: Keep your poker face on. If a patient tells you they’ve had a big weekend and want every known orifice swabbed, including throat, anus, nose and vagina, then it’s important to remain expressionless. Don’t pull the face you’d make if someone had just asked you to smell their armpits.
GP HACK #329: Remember, you’re not here to judge. Except when you are.
GP HACK #6211: Never laugh at a patient. If they tell you they were accidentally baptised by 7th Day Adventists or they need a replacement diazepam script because a possum stole the original, or they don’t believe in science because “you can prove anything with facts, can’t you doc”, don’t laugh!
GP HACK #212: Not being able to see through your otoscope because it’s blocked up with years of other people’s ear wax is a badge of honour. Not being able to hear anything through your stethoscope because it’s blocked up with your own ear wax is equally honourable.
GP HACK #322: You may think GP registrars are young, impressionable and keen to learn from you. Don’t fool yourself! They’re here to pass exams and pay their mortgage. They don’t want you telling them they should keep a box of wasps in their room and spend a night locked up in IKEA.
