The only people with anything to fear are lovers of contemporary dance. Bear with me.
Hello everyone. In this week’s exciting episode we’re exploring the future of medicine.
In the future, all the walls will be painted white and it will be illegal to own a comfortable chair.
And in the future, rather than having a friendly chat with your GP, you may have to consult a machine. We all know that machines are better than people. They’re more intelligent, more rational and unlike your doctor they don’t down a bottle of Bacardi and sob in the shower.
This is the Terri2000. Terri is quick and easy to use and looks set to replace your GP within the next 10 years. Just stick a finger into one of Terri’s many holes and wait for your diagnosis. It’s also rumoured that Terri has an in-built sound system and can play a pretty mean rendition of Sweet Harmony by The Beloved.
But unlike most human doctors, a machine has a cold heart, a steel hand and feels nothing but contempt for the pathetic plight of human beings.
Which this isn’t very helpful, especially if there’s sweet FA wrong with you and all you want is a bit of sympathy.
In the future, machines will also help doctors write their reports.
Which will help free up more of their time so they can do things they actually enjoy, like getting shit-faced in the pub with their boring university friends.
Thanks to advances in materials science the field of cosmetic surgery will be revolutionised.
And an improved understanding of genetics will finally see a cure for people who enjoy contemporary dance.
And it’s even thought that in the future, doctors will be able to heal you simply by using the power of their minds.
Whatever the future brings, it will be exciting, unpredictable and full of surprises.
On next week’s program we look at the future of dentistry and ask – why do dentists need so many teeth?
