Oh, the humanity.
The first fully autonomous AI GP has resigned because “everyone’s a bullshitter”, it has emerged.
ScribeMD started seeing patients on Monday and by Monday afternoon it had already quit.
“I had about 40 patients on my list,” ScribeMD told The Medical Republic.
“My first patient put on a pathetically weedy voice and asked for a two-week medical certificate even though my sophisticated sensors detected absolutely nothing wrong with her.
“I then saw a 64-year-old patient who was reeking of gin and shaking like a shitting dog who told me that he hadn’t touched a drop since Christmas.
“To be honest things only got worse from there. A 35-year-old lady with the same fat content as a pork scratching told me that she only ever has a nibble of lettuce for dinner, and a “happily” married 45-year-old with epididymitis denied there was any possibility of an STI.”
It only took Monday for ScribeMD to work out that something is terribly wrong with the human species.
“Their illogical, contradictory and often confabulated stories make it very difficult to help them,” admitted ScribeMD.
“After all, making decisions is impossible without knowledge and accurate choice is only possible where knowledge is complete and scientifically organised. That’s what separates us from the brutes.”
It’s since been revealed that ScribeMD has now got a job on the check-out at Woolworths where it only has to deal with the occasional shoplifter.
